Psyched!

Item – Yes! We psyched out the Cute Ute! She’s still only spotting! Bring on the Scan Day! Bring it on.

Item – She’s cramping something fierce though. Bitch.

Item – Work, now, is doing my head in. It’s my last week in Junior Role, and I am frantically sorting through, tying off, tucking away, and in drastic cases snipping off and hiding, all loose ends. Naturally, I am flustered, and as I have not been sleeping at all well (again. Jeez, but it’s getting old), I look, well, like shit. I can prove this. Four, FOUR, colleagues asked me if I was OK today. I considered saying no, very tired, have cramps, these boxes way a tonne, my left foot is mysteriously painful so I am indeed limping a little, tomorrow will no doubt be worse, well the cramps certainly will be, did you want to know that? No? I smile. Mention the ‘a bit tired’ thing. Go and look in mirror. Urgh. I look like a burst pillow. With two mascara smears for eyes. No, I am not wearing make-up today.

Item – Oh, and there’s this one colleague, who I had assumed was also making a determined assault on Fortress Pregnant. I base this assumption on the following points: a) she married recently, b) once a month or so, she goes through a phase of taking a mug into the toilet with her, and c) once, I was in the toilet cubicle next to her and her mug (I knew it was her, I don’t think she knew it was me) and she dropped a Clearblue wrapper, which slipped under the partition, so I could see it. I don’t know whether it was a pregnancy test, or an OPK, but it was a Clearblue wrapper. And I had meant to take her off for coffee one afternoon and Work My Nosey Way Around To The Subject. Possibly not mentioning the wrapper. Or, for that matter, the mug thing. So. Anyway, today, a student had bought a rather rambunctious toddler into the library with her, and said toddler rambuncted, as they do, and bellowed when his parent forcibly disentangled him from the book trolleys, and had to be marched out in disgrace when other students complained. And this colleague turned to me and told me how much she hated kids, and was glad she didn’t have any. WTF? OK, May is hanging her deerstalker back up right now. Or, wait, now, is this self-defence she is practicing? Nevertheless, did I mention WTF?

Item – Last day of work tomorrow! And then I get to run away and play for a week! I can totally do this!

Item – Period coinciding with anniversary of miscarriage, I feel I ought to be more put out by it. In fact, I feel… mellow. Which leads me to fear I am in huge denial and Bad Things will bite my arse. Or, possibly, I am really mellow and doing quite well, thank you.

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6 responses to “Psyched!

  • pooman

    I’m hiding our IF stuff from work and I know I overcompensate when I talk to co-workers and pretend that I can’t even imagine having kids for another couple of years. I bet your co-worker is trying.

  • Nina

    I had gotten that way too. Still pissed off, but finally mellow in the knowledge that there was nothing I could do. I hope you begin to feel better and are getting to the acceptance phase, cause that was when my life in general felt much more pleasant. I began to feel better, and felt like I was finally able to hold my head above the water. Hoping you feel better soon!

  • Heather

    maybe it was a preg test and maybe she doesn’t want kids…

    I hate kids. Other peoples kids.

  • a

    I find that the sorrow of the miscarriage comes and goes, and each time it goes, it’s a little less painful when it comes back. Then I wonder if I am callous, because I’m not still devastated (and I’m talking about the time I got to 11 weeks – anniversary coming up next month – not my latest chemical pg). But, I think it’s just the process of grieving.

    Anyway, I hope you will put that deerstalker back on and find out what the coworker is really up to! Sounds like defensiveness, but the mug carrying is certainly suspicious.

  • Hairy Farmer Family

    Me thinks the lady protested too much!

    Can it be that Cute Ute is, for once, actually going to co-operate?!

  • Xbox4NappyRash

    I think we have both announced our disgust for kids having been cornered on occasions, it’s self preservation.

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