And back again

Highlights, lowlights, and sidelights of the In-Law Easter Double Birthday Extravaganza, in no particular order:

– Sleeping on a fold-out sofa-bed in the living-room of your in-laws’ small house is… challenging to the shy and retiring. As, you see, there is nowhere to retire to. And there were people from three different countries and three different generations cantering about.

– Given that, it is not surprising that on being presented with an unexpected two hours all alone in the house with all other resident persons dispersed on assorted errands about the county, H and I found ourselves dans un position tres compromising on the living-room floor. Much as we had done when we were both eighteen, on the very same floor. Ah, memories.

– Said (wooden, uncarpeted) floor is a lot less forgiving on the knees when one is 33, though.

– I am sorry to have to report that by the time the resident persons reconvened, H and I both had our trousers back on and were sitting side-by-side, H demurely reading to me as I demurely wound yarn. I know this dreary lack of anecdotage is very disappointing, and we will try to do better next time.

– It takes nerves of steel to even so much as read emails and blog-lines, let alone blog oneself, when one’s Mother-In-Law has the unnerving habit of materialising stealthily behind one’s chair and chirruping ‘ooh, what are you reading then?’ in one’s ear. She has an uncanny habit of doing this when the thing being read contains the words ‘infertile’, ‘pregnant’, ‘fuck’, ‘my mother-in-law is driving me mad’, etc.

– Nevertheless, the dinners, teas, Easter-Egg hunts, and enforced conversations with relations who have grown two feet and quite a lot of chest hair since one last saw them, all went quite well.

– Dear God, but the fold-out sofa-bed is uncomfortable. I have a bruise – a bruise, people! – on my leg from just lying on the savagely uncompromising springs for four nights.  Why do you think we were doing it on the floor?

– No, I didn’t ovulate. I am very calmly, very peacefully, very reasonably, chewing my nails to the bone.


9 responses to “And back again

  • Hairy Farmer Family

    Oh, Satsuma. I’m not angry, just very, very disappointed. Go to your room now.

    Poor May. I’m so very sorry. You can haz scan now?

    Fold-out beds reduce me to frothing mania. I feel you choose your floor well!

  • Xbox4NappyRash

    Award yourself 4 points for the floor effort, I’m proud of you.

  • womb for improvement

    I suppose it means you don’t get carpet burns. Splinters, but not carpet burns.

  • geohde

    Ah, May. I always thought a forbidden shag positively guaranteed ovulation.

    Satsuma! Get on with it,


  • korechronicles

    Satsuma, you slacker….WAKE UP!

    And glad the stay with the in-laws had some pleasant compensations. Demure yarn-winding indeed.

  • Betty M

    Arrgh. Satsuma needs to get with it. I”m impressed at the floor sex mind!

  • OvaGirl

    yes, highly impressed by the floor sex, also the subsequent wool winding while being read to. Popping vibes being sent straight to satsuma.

  • Nina

    Yes. I agree with Geodhe. That’s why teenagers with no money and no sense are able to have babies and we aren’t. It’s forbidden for them, so naturally they get the very thing they don’t want. We, on the other hand are not forbidden, and we still are getting what we don’t want. Nothing. Big Fat Nothing. I’m changing the definition of BFN a bit, but the result is still the same.

  • MsPrufrock

    Ooo…you minx, you.

    As for nosy in-laws, mine always had a habit of doing the exact same thing. It always amazed me that they had no problem with this. I mean, seriously?

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