Highlights, lowlights, and sidelights of the In-Law Easter Double Birthday Extravaganza, in no particular order:
- Sleeping on a fold-out sofa-bed in the living-room of your in-laws’ small house is… challenging to the shy and retiring. As, you see, there is nowhere to retire to. And there were people from three different countries and three different generations cantering about.
- Given that, it is not surprising that on being presented with an unexpected two hours all alone in the house with all other resident persons dispersed on assorted errands about the county, H and I found ourselves dans un position tres compromising on the living-room floor. Much as we had done when we were both eighteen, on the very same floor. Ah, memories.
- Said (wooden, uncarpeted) floor is a lot less forgiving on the knees when one is 33, though.
- I am sorry to have to report that by the time the resident persons reconvened, H and I both had our trousers back on and were sitting side-by-side, H demurely reading to me as I demurely wound yarn. I know this dreary lack of anecdotage is very disappointing, and we will try to do better next time.
- It takes nerves of steel to even so much as read emails and blog-lines, let alone blog oneself, when one’s Mother-In-Law has the unnerving habit of materialising stealthily behind one’s chair and chirruping ‘ooh, what are you reading then?’ in one’s ear. She has an uncanny habit of doing this when the thing being read contains the words ‘infertile’, ‘pregnant’, ‘fuck’, ‘my mother-in-law is driving me mad’, etc.
- Nevertheless, the dinners, teas, Easter-Egg hunts, and enforced conversations with relations who have grown two feet and quite a lot of chest hair since one last saw them, all went quite well.
- Dear God, but the fold-out sofa-bed is uncomfortable. I have a bruise – a bruise, people! – on my leg from just lying on the savagely uncompromising springs for four nights. Why do you think we were doing it on the floor?
- No, I didn’t ovulate. I am very calmly, very peacefully, very reasonably, chewing my nails to the bone.