No pokey the owie girl

Item: It’s been three months since my last period. I don’t think I’d forgotten as such, how much they suck, but it’s a bit of a grumpy moment when you are sitting in the toilets at work thinking ‘ah, yes, this is exactly how much they suck when they suck this much.’

Item: But hey! It’s Day One of a shiny fresh new cycle! With monitoring and everything! And because she is being monitored, Satsuma will no doubt behave like a little angel, and everyone will wonder what the feckitty all the fuss was about. Which is just fine by me. Enough anxst, thank you.

Item: I am experimenting with naproxen sodium (we can get it over the counter now! In Boots!) this period, to see if I can at least get some freakin’ sleep, and the results are inconclusive. It got rid of the cramps last night, but then last night I wasn’t really bleeding yet. I was fine until lunch-time today, so I didn’t take any in the morning (as instructed on the packet – don’t take unless you need to! Failure to comply will result in the Gate of Hell spontaneously opening in your stomach lining!), and then I was less fine, so I did take some more, and while the cramps have not knocked me to the floor in a pale green sweaty mess, I do NOT feel happy, and I am cross, and I am tired. Does this mean Cute Ute is saving the worst for Day 2, as is her wont, just because it is our wedding anniversary, or has the naproxen sod-it-um taken the edge off and I won’t be quite so *whimper sob thrash argh* this month? (‘Month’, she says, as if this was anything to do with the time of the month. Month! Hah! This season, perhaps? This calendar year?). Tune in for tomorrow’s thrilling installment.

Item: Trying to work, when you need to go to the loo every hour, and hurt, and feel a little wheeeeeee on analgesics, and therefore have the attention-span of a stoned gold-fish, and have a lot of heavy lifting and book-cart shoving to do, and also cataloguing pre-war books from scratch, about which you have to actually think, not recommended.

Item: Also, well done colleagues for chosing today to talk about a) childbirth, amazing stories of, involving your relations and/or the legendary Friend of a Friend, also full supporting cast and scenography of crowded jammed elevators, shopping centres, theatres, airplanes mid-Atlantic and one London bus, b) why you really don’t want children, c) why your grandchildren are just about the cutest things on God’s green Earth, and, for shit and giggles, d) all the pregnant women you saw on your commute (also, bonus points for saying ‘It seems as if the whole world’s pregnant right now!’ several times over to every colleague in the room, making it a grand total of SEVENTEEN repeats before you even got to me and yes, I did leap up and trot smartly away, didn’t I? Can’t think why).

Item: So, Clomid Take 5. Anyone else got any clever but hopeful names for this cycle? Because I am fresh out of clever and have been out of hopeful for months.

Item: I’d like to post intelligently rather than just whine at you all. But it ain’t gonna happen tonight. I shall go and lie down and snivel to myself some more, shall I? Yes, I shall. Send absinthe.


9 responses to “No pokey the owie girl

  • Nina

    Yes. I understand. It’s so easy for all the stupid people to say from the other side. It makes me angry when I hear that I need to adopt, relax, have a drink, make him wear boxers, etc, etc. Doing all of that! Doesn’t work! Don’t talk to me anymore. I’m pissed off, and there’s nothing you can say or suggest that I’ve not heard or done. (Not you, May, you know what I mean.) I’m just gonna use my vacation time, drink like a fish, and do whatever the fuck I want. It won’t make any difference anyway, cause look how many teenagers manage to get pregnant and stay pregnant and never even heard of a pre-natal vitamin. Dammit.

  • womb for improvement

    I had that same conversation last night with a mate, “Everyone’s pregnant” he looked at me, and then my pint, had to slightly readjust to be more inclusive, “except you, when ARE you going to have children?” I managed an “I dunno” rather than “Fuck off”. Which is good.

  • Heather

    Five is my lucky number and I hope it is yours too!!

  • geohde

    Naproxen OTC? About time πŸ™‚

    Oh, and I take it at the maximum recommended dose for the first three days personally, because it beats waiting for the inevitable owies when it wears off.

    You can take a proton pump inhibitor (like nexium) if you get gastritis from absing-abbreivations-NSAIDS like naproxen (but it’s prescription). Here h2 receptor blockers (yet more fancy drug class abuse) like ranitidine (zantac) are OTC- they’re slightly less effective but enough to stop my stomach lining eroding in protest πŸ™‚



  • Korechronicles

    Cannot send absinthe. Have drunk it all while snivelling majestically to myself. Apologies.

  • Xbox4NappyRash

    Does booze and Clomid mix?

  • Katie

    Ooh, glad to hear about the Naproxen, though now I come to think of it, Mr. Spouse is the main ingester and he gets his prescriptions free at home.

    I guess I kind of understand how a three-monthly period might be quite heavy, as mine’s heavier if it’s only a few days late. So I can’t really imagine how awful yours must be!

  • thalia

    Naproxen was the only thing that ever worked for me. Ignore the instructions adn take three prophylactically as soon as you know period is starting, then take three, three times a day until it stops hurting (for me that was day2, sounds like it might be day 3 for you).

    Better not to hurt, IMO.

  • jodie38

    Yes, what Thalia says, absolutely. Keep in mind, the instructions are written to try to keep people from abusing the snot out of themselves. If it says 2, 4 won’t kill you or send your liver into a tailspin. I take as directed until I see blood, then start taking 3 at a time at least twice a day – the cramps are much better by day 3. Sleeping on a heating pad helps also.

    I’m still tired and cranky, but at least I’m in minimal pain!

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