This is the science bit

When they say OPKs do not work for women with PCOS, they usually mean, oy, you with the bubble-wrap ovaries, you’re producing so much LH your pee-sticks will just go ‘Positive. Positive. Positive. Oh, my, it’s positive. Still positive. Knock yourselves out, it’s positive. Positive. Positive. I’m bored now. Positive,’ ad infinitum. Or, alternately, for other women, they go ‘Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Look, you’re not going to ovulate this cycle, OK?’.

Mine usually go ‘Nope. Nope. Something vague. Possibly. OOOH IT’S WORKING. Done now’, but only when I time the peeing on them exactly right and I normally only bother on a Clomid cycle. But on a Clomid cycle, they have, so far, actually worked.

This cycle, they have gone ‘Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Look, you’ll hurt yourself if you hold your pee for that long, and anyway, nope. Oh, OK, you can have a faint line. And another faint line. And again. And a stronger line. And an even stronger line. And an even stronger than that even line, but still absolutely not matching the control line. Faint line. And back to nope.’

Today is ‘back to nope’ day. After a strongish but definitely not positive one on Friday. But my temperature has not risen, and today Satsuma has been really quite whiny all day (she normally cuts that out after ovulation) and I can’t find my cervix and there is all that EWCM again (did you need to know that? Tough). My oestrogen levels are clearly still high (they tend to be high all the fucking time, if I can’t be tricked or bullied into ovulating. I have had blood-tests to prove it. Also, I have near constant EWCM (yay, we need to know this!), sub-Arctic basal body temperature, a migraine habit, a lardy arse, water retention, thinning hair (because excess oestrogen in PCOS for cheerful reasons of its own goes hand in hand with high testosterone levels, something to do with insufficient SHBG to mop up all the chaos), insomnia, and the sly mimicking of a buggered thyroid, for which I have also been tested twice now). (BTW, Thalia, fertility monitor manufacturers insufferable and are saying their product not suitable for women with PCOS with NO ADDED EXPLANATION.).

It is day 23 of this cycle. Which, because I am just so fucking funny, I named ‘Clomid take 4 – why is this taking so long?’. And the Universe took it as a challenge. The Universe is a git.

Any guesses as to what is going on in there? Anyone? Bueller?


8 responses to “This is the science bit

  • geohde

    I won’t smile.

    I won’t.

    I was envisioning Satsuma playing cards and pausing occasionally to give you the finger, but that would be anthropomorphising, wouldn’t it?



  • katie

    I would recommend Persona (a lot cheaper than the actual fertility monitors) as it also measures oestrogen:LH ratio, but I think it only works on cycles 35 days or under…

    But I have to say that a someone who makes expensive OPKs or fertility meters or Persona go “ooh, nice lady, very easy to monitor, we likey”, the internet cheapy OPKs are a pile of sh*te. See new post (coming later today or tomorrow I hope).

  • a

    My thoughts? Buy stock in that OPK company. If they can’t make you pregnant, maybe they can make you rich.

  • Aphra Behn

    It may be that the reason they say “not suitable for PCOS” with no explanation is that they’ve not tested it with PCOS.

    Pregrancy has to be free from self-medication not because most drugs are known to harm children in utero but because drugs are not known not to.

    Not exactly helpful though.

    I have another friend with PCOS – it really is a damned if you do and damned if you don’t thing.



  • AMH

    Any way to get in for an ultrasound scan of the ovary to see what’s going on?

  • Womb For Improvement

    Pass. I have pcos and I never get a positive on the cheapo tests only the the digi ones. What can I say my pee needs me to spend money before it will perform.

  • Nina

    May, this is completely unrelated to your post. I saw you on your Twitter thing, and am concerned. Hope your shoulder is ok. Bathmats are cool. Hope you feel better, sweet pea!

  • Jane G

    Go buy the digital ones and keep my share price up!

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