Yes. No. Maybe. Do not pass go.

I should have never bothered with the OPKs. They are screwing with me.

This morning’s offering, suddenly, very nearly positive. This evening’s (because paranoia about missing ‘The Surge’ is turning me into a ‘spend your way out of the recession by internet cheapie pee-stick’ missionary), nah. Does that mean this morning’s was a positive with a negative attitude? Or a negative with a stupidly chirpy attitude?

Keeping in mind that Satsuma, though grumbling a little, is nowhere near as hugely sore and cantankerous as she usually is when she hatches. Damn her.

Meanwhile, it’s day 18 of the cycle and There Is Friction (oh, in so many ways) in the marital bed. For a start, every single time we make sweet, sweet love (and all the times when we just have sex), H invariably cricks his neck and spends the supposed-to-be cuddly aftermath yelping, clutching at the back of his head and getting me to administer emergency Vulcan Death Grip massages. It’s not exactly erotic for either of us. I don’t help by adopting a ‘get on with it and pull my nightie down when you’re done’ attitude – again, where’s the almost feral randiness that normally turns me completely irrational the week before ovulation?

And I am in a very painful and introspective mood. It’s less than a fortnight to Pikaia’s due date. I’ve booked the exact day off work, and so has H, and we haven’t a clue what we’ll do on it, but at least we’ll be doing whatever it is in the dignified privacy. Because here we are again, back where we were last year, with nothing to show for a whole lot of trouble but a small envelope containing one elderly positive pregnancy pee-stick, a heartfelt little poem written by my mother, and a joint list of our favourite names for baby boys and girls.

I have a feeling this is not helping with any of the above.


7 responses to “Yes. No. Maybe. Do not pass go.

  • Hairy Farmer Family

    I too have a small heap of yellowing peesticks that are telling me LIES, Godammit, LIES! My LH seems to change wildly according to how much Coke I’ve drunk today. Feral randiness… my word! That DOES sound like fun for someone!

    I feel that you & H may have to swop positions and risk losing some (insert euphemism of choice here)… fluid. I’m sure there’ll still be sufficient millions left over to fight their way to the egg that Satsuma will be producing (doyouHEARmeintheremadam?). Poor H’s neck might benefit from a turn on the pillows. Really can’t believe I’m dishing out this sort of drivel. Someone ought to gaffer tape my mouth shut.

    I have the positive pee-sticks too. Not from Harry’s pregnancy, but from the ones before it. I love that your mother wrote a poem. Love. I hate the fact that this is being such a long and evilly potholed journey for you both. Hate. You’ll need that list, sweetheart. You will.

  • Heather

    Good Ole PCOS, eh? Those things never worked for me…I eventually gave up on them.

    Whatever you do that day, remember that we are all thinking of you and wishing we could be there to wrap our arms around you both. A candle will be lit at my house for her, she is not forgotten.

  • geohde


    My opks are always allllmost positive or flagrantly so. I must be the world’s frequentest ovulator (i.e. every day in many cycles) or perhaps they doth suck in pcos? I suspect the latter is more at issue.

    I am so sorry about the unfilled due date. They’re hard.


  • Xbox4NappyRash

    Try the massage before the sweatiness maybe?

  • Jane G

    I understand about unfullfilled due dates. They’re tough days to get through no doubt. I found once they passed it was like a weight had lifted off me. I will be thinking of you xx

    I also found a pile of ancient positive hpts lately from my first pregnancy. It was literally all we had left to remind us.


  • womb for improvement

    I can’t imagine how you’ll feel on the due date. I hope that you find a good way of spending the day. And as for the cramping – more salt and fluids…

  • Completely normal « Nuts in May

    […] some kind of bereavement reaction to Pikaia’s approaching due date (16th of January) and, like Jane said in the comments on the post before last, I’ll feel rather more human when it’s over. I think I really do feel that up until the […]

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