Ooh, now, seriously mixed nuts

Item: Ooh, look, a troll! A teeny wee troll of my own! More of a gonk, really, don’t you think? I read that dear little comment this morning, drinking tea in my jim-jams, and fell about laughing. And then I ran into the next room and cried to H: ‘Quick! Read my comments! I’ve been judged! Right in the face!’ and H looked puzzled and obediently trotted over, and looked, and downright guffawed. Aww, gonklet, bless, thank you for playing, and here’s your wooden spoon. Because, really, me, ‘Where’s the grapefruit juice?’ May, drinking too much to get pregnant, ohhh, stop, please, my ribs hurt, heh heh heh (seriously, ‘I need a drink’ does not automatically mean ‘and so I shall have one.’ Sheesh). Eating too much, I’ll grant you. Or being too vile to my husband, you could have had a field day with that. All you have proved is that a) no, you haven’t been reading my blog at all, have you, you silly thing, and b) I have lovely friends on the internet who will totally leap to my defence and laugh happily with me, so I’m leaving the comment up forever because it made my otherwise rather ‘meh’ day.

Item: On the subject of meh, I have a cold. My throat is sore and I am freezing cold and shivery and my back aches and oh, look, I’m whingeing again. Spent day in fug of cough-sweet fumes. Was hugely unproductive at work. Went shopping for presents during lunch and ended up panic-phoning H because I suddenly couldn’t tell the difference between Humphrey Lyttelton and Humphrey Carpenter, which is just appalling as I adored Humphrey Lyttelton, and would have turned a great present into a WTF? present. I need to spend a day with my head in a bucket of Vicks and my feet in a bucket of hot water.

Item: My breasts really hurt. They’re driving me mad. You know why they’re driving me mad. Silly tits.

Item: Am trying to get the zip, zing, flare and rawr together to go see the GP, and sort out the blasted IVF waiting list defeasance bollocks. Urgh. So not in the mood. So very very not in the mood. Why is this my problem etc. *Distant boinging sound of woman beating head on side of bath, because it has a more musical resonance than the usual brick wall*

Item: And then I was very very spoilt and precious and bought myself this as an A+Congratuchristmahanukwanzaa present. It’s so cute! Squeeeeeeee!

Advertisements

10 responses to “Ooh, now, seriously mixed nuts

  • Katie

    Now we can never meet as that’s what I’m getting for Christmas and we might get them mixed up…

    I’ve tagged you in a meme, by the way.

  • Nina

    That’s very cool. I’m so Gadgetally disinclined. I can’t operate a cell phone with more than the requisite 12 buttons and SEND. My husband makes fun of me a lot for this. He even has to program the DVR for me. That troll was really rude and a total jackass. That’s american for Fucktard, I think. On the cold thing, take Nyquil. Will decongest you and help with the fever. Also has enough alcohol to put you to sleep. They don’t call it “Baptist Bourbon” for nothing! Hope you feel better!

  • Nina

    Oh, and I forgot, Good Luck on the Boob Hurting thing!! I’m not going to say the “p” word for fear that it seems to be bad luck. Wishing good things from here!

  • Heather

    See, this is what I get. I go away for a couple of months and you go and get yourself a troll. I’m simply not cool enough to hang with you anymore. You Super Star.

  • geohde

    Yep. Certified tool.

    ANonymous- I plan to have an extra drink tonight as I toast your Lofty White Glowy Moral High Ground.

    Honestly. Snort.

    What a dull life some people must lead.

    J

  • Artblog

    i got a purple one, lurrrrve it!:

    xxx

  • womb for improvement

    A troll. Cool. What did they do about giving the required email address?

    boob hurting. bad. v. bad.

  • May

    Womb for Improvement – anon@anonmail.com! The cheek!

  • Korechronicles

    Just goes to prove the total gutlessness of idiots, nay Fucktards as mentioned elsewhere, who wish to keep their idiocy and fucktardness a secret. You only need to hide when you know you’re doing the wrong thing. So, idiot. QED

    And I must learn to control my temper. I’m much better in real life due to serious hard work (over YEARS) at it but clearly, the red curtain came down instantly when I read that comment. That brought out the snarky and I totally missed the opportunity to make fun of Anonymous.

    And how weird is it that my days are filled with thoughts of the state of your boobs? In a good way because of what it might mean.

  • Very probably the last post of 2008 « Nuts in May

    […] Drank (and, naturally, toasted the gonk) […]

%d bloggers like this: