I am an albatross. You may not shoot me.

Today has been quite bad. Mostly because I am extremely angry.

Things I am seething about right now:

  1. On visiting a particular post on a person’s blog, it is always wise to check their latest post as well. Or you might find yourself writing something wildly inappropriate, for the blogger’s particular circumstance that is, and making said blogger angry and tearful. Again. After she’s been like that all day. And has a headache now.
  2. If one of your students emails you on a Thursday morning to tell you she won’t be coming into college or finishing her course-work on time because she’s having a miscarriage instead, for chrissakes email her back within 24 hours, or at least before the weekend, or she’ll waste precious fretting reserves on worrying whether you a) got the email, b) are going to cut her the required slack, c) give a fuck, or d) all three.
  3. Do not ask a miscarrying woman if there was something she could have done to save the pregnancy. If there was, don’t you think she would have fucking well done it? Seriously, do you think she sat there thinking ‘Oh, if I don’t do this, I might miscarry, but hey, I can’t be arsed.’? No? You don’t think that? Then what in hell’s name did you say it for? I think I shall be waking up at three in the morning to chew my nails to the quick over this one for many many weeks to come. Thanks, Mum.
  4. Dear NHS doctors and nurses, I do love you really, but could you be less damn chirpy when discussing the rearranging of ultrasounds and possible D&C/ ERPCs? I do understand that Wednesday is the earliest day you could book me into theatre, and I do understand that moving the ultrasound to Wednesday morning therefore makes sense, even though it was originally scheduled for Monday, and I know the delay is partly because I took so long to get back to you with a decision about ‘surgical management of the miscarriage’. The delay is upsetting, yes, but unavoidable. The fucking chirpy brisk matter-of-fact attitude is totally fucking avoidable. I am having a miscarriage here, not a bloody tonsillectomy. Show some respect.
  5. This whole process keeps stopping and starting. I bleed. I stop bleeding. I cramp. I stop cramping. I start bleeding again. I stop. My back hurts. This is driving me crazy. Chirpy NHS Minion assured me this was ‘within normal’. She also seemed to think it would practically guarantee I’d need surgery on Wednesday. See? My body can’t even do this properly. Define properly, mind you.

I think I am especially angry today because I had to phone the ACU and the EPU and leave messages explaining everything to answerphones and minions and then wait forever for them to get back to me and then explain everything all over again.

I looked at myself in the mirror earlier today. I look grey, almost gaunt, and there are circles under my eyes. I went up to H and said ‘I look like shit,’ and he kindly, regretfully agreed. This is a good thing. It would be inappropriate to look my usual rosy round-faced comedy milk-maid self.

15 responses to “I am an albatross. You may not shoot me.

  • Rita

    it’s unfair. i wish i knew the answer.

  • Heather

    I’ve been out of town and I”m just now catching up. I’m so sorry! I hate that people are saying stupid things to you and not being more sensitive. Especially people who work in the medical field.

  • MsPrufrock

    How is it that you can write about such misery and still be so fucking funny? Also, your comment on mine? Funny as usual. This is why I love you.

    I hope the shit slows down for you soon, and at the very least people keep their assholery in check. Seriously – how the hell could your MUM say that to you? Crazy. Admittedly though, it sounds like something my Mum would have said in these circumstances. Parents, eh?

  • Hairy Farmer Family

    Have just been perusing your archives – sounds so personal, doesn’t it? And I’ve got a better picture now of what you and hubby have been through. Sigh. It’s hard to know what to say to you honey, apart from hang on in there. And that you’re a totally wonderful writer, and how about a peek at this book?

    Incidentally, your phraseology has had me in bits this evening, I’ve had a simply wonderful read, although I’ve been sad to note that much crappy stuff has been wished on you. Also, I do feel as if I’ve missed out on some top-notch blogging material by having no siblings. How on EARTH do you cope with Trouble? You are obviously possessed of superhuman patience. So sorry again that you’re having to use it.

  • Rebecca

    Hugs to you, May…

  • geohde

    Ack. The world is infested with a bizzarre combination of indifference, stultifying red tape AND overly mechanical efficiency. All at once, it would seem.

    Your college should gain some efficiency, the NHS schedulers could spare some and in return perhaps they both could gain some bloody humanity about it all.



  • Solnushka

    I think I was lucky that my mum had had a miscarriage and managed, therefore, to avoid some of the more spectacular inappropriacies.

    What I found particularly trying about the whole surgical proceedure thing was that people in the hospital kept asking me what I was there for. I can’t remember why, if I ever knew. Shift changes? Some sort of let’s check to see if she is coherent policy? Not wanting to seem rude by just looking at the chart? Anyway, as the terminology had escaped me, I kept having to describe it in rather graphic terms, which I really felt was cruelty above and beyong the call of.

    About point 5: Personally, I decided to look on the whole body refusing to reject properly thing as evidence of my reproductive organs very proper tenacity in trying to maintain a pregnancy rather than a failure of the system.

  • deanna

    I know I don’t actually know your mom, but I’m horribly pissed at her myself these days. Besides being an unkind, uninformed thing to say, it was just so lacking in support for you during this unthinkably awful time. I’m so sorry she said all the most impossibly wrong things.

    Wishing the ocean were a tiny little lake right now, or at least, that I had long spaghetti arms. *hugs*

  • korechronicles

    Oh May, waving my magic wand here and wishing your headache, and all the other super-crap surrounding you, into oblivion. Sorry it’s so hard and anger-making.

  • Jendeis

    I’m so sorry. This just stinks. Wish there was something I could do beyond brewing a virtual cuppa for you.

    Here from NaComLeavMo.

  • Jackie

    Ah, Fuckwits abound. I’m thinking of you and again, so sorry.

  • Duck

    I can’t believe someone could actually be so cruel to ask you if there is anything you could have done? What a meanie (then again it sorta sounds like something my husband would say to me… ).
    Sorry to hear about all this.

  • Penny

    I’m so sorry to hear. I didn’t surf in until today though; at least I didn’t contribute to your ‘best day.’ I hope it gets trumped soon.

  • Aphra Behn

    I had no idea the whole brutal business took so long. So it’s not just mother’s who are ignorant.

    Poor May.

    With love


  • Aphra Behn

    Bloody apostrophe’s.

    Sorry about that.


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