I would rather not be an ass

There are so very many things I want to say. But first, I must run about in small circles, flapping my arms and shrieking hysterically.


There. That’s so much better. I’ve been doing that every few hours all week.

And on with the motley.

Item: I never really thought of the ‘getting a positive on Mother’s Day’ angle until Deanna mentioned it. This is mostly because here in Blighty, we have Mothering Sunday in March – and that was the weekend I got a negative on my last ‘natural’ cycle before starting Clomid, and I was freakin’ pissed off about. I was just wondering how I would have felt – how I did feel – about other people’s happy announcements at that time. I have got ‘happy for you, sad for me’ down to a fine art these days. Those days. These days [continuity error… does not compute… bzzt… *smack*]. Where was I? Ah, yes, to cut a long and deeply tedious ramble short, I worry about all the people I comment at, who do not have pregnancies or babies right now, and who were of course delighted for me, but on Mother’s Day? Which is the pink commercial rock-salt in the wound of childlessness in any case? If anyone feels the need to just… ignore my blog for a while, I not only understand, but say ‘go. Go and look after yourself. I will be thinking of you always.’ And if anyone would rather I didn’t comment on their blogs at the moment, please let me know (email in ‘about’ page). I read something on a blog (whose name – darn it! – I simply can’t remember) about the (in a sad place) blogger following a very sweet commentator back to her page and being two-by-foured by pregnancy blinkies all over the place. I do not want to be the two-by-four girl.

Item: This is all complicated by the fact that I had a rush of blood to the head and signed up for the Commentathon Mel is hosting. And that I want to talk incessantly and minutely about every single detail of this ‘p-word’. I shall be beeping ‘sorrysorrysorry yakyakyak sorrysorrysorry yakyakyak’ like a two-tone fire-alarm. And everyone will hate me. Or am I overthinking this?

Item: I think I should like to blog about the ‘p-word’. Quite a few of you commented on my last post that I should enjoy this, and remember that I enjoyed it, even if things do go wrong. After all, nothing will ever ever be like the first BFP, and nothing will ever be the same again, whatever happens. Pikaia deserves to have the intense, fierce joy his/her existance brought H and me honoured, even if (God forbid, oh please, God forbid) it turns out to be brief.


3 responses to “I would rather not be an ass

  • deanna

    YES—blog about your pregnancy and all the wonderousness of it! This is an amazing time for you & H and it deserves to reap all the joy bottled in your heart. I have found that yes, some readers leave readership when such news occurs, but that is no reason to stifle your happiness on your own blog. This is your space, and currently your space has a log of mirth boiling around in it. Let it loose!

  • Sol

    Actually, one of the arguments in favour of telling people is that then you get to be utterly joyful about it, in private, in public, everywhere, even if it does go wrong. Which is how it should be.

    I think I told people a bit earlier than I’d meant to the first time for this reason, but I only told people so late this time because I was feeling utterly superstitious about it. Telling people so late did take some of the fun out of it though. See above.

    I was a bit offput by other people’s pregancies after mine went wrong – everyone on breakfast news programmes seemed to be pregnant for a start and I had to stop watching. But I didn’t begrudge them the experience, as I know you always didn’t either.

    So basically I vote for rolling out the excitement on the blog. It is so very worth it.

  • Rebecca

    I found the commentathon (as you put it) today, the same day I posted earlier in the day about my not knowing if I should post about not wanting to be a parent. (And feeling guilt about not wanting to be a parent because of all the people who WANT to be parents but can’t for whatever reason.)

    Et cetera.

    (Was that clear as mud?)

    So now I may have people come to my blog today and be smacked in the face with that, to some, incredibly insensitive post.

    How’s THAT for bad timing?!?

    It’s my blog, and I can write what I want to on it. But I understand the interest in being sensitive… and the horror of being thought insensitive.

    But I say CONGRATULATIONS to you! This is truly exciting news — and I am a little bit jealous. (This seemingly contradictory statement is also explained on my post today.)

    Truly, congratulations. I just found you today, but I can tell from this one post how much you want to be a parent, and how excited you are.

    And come visit me if you’d like. And if not, I understand. šŸ™‚

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