There are so very many things I want to say. But first, I must run about in small circles, flapping my arms and shrieking hysterically.
There. That’s so much better. I’ve been doing that every few hours all week.
And on with the motley.
Item: I never really thought of the ‘getting a positive on Mother’s Day’ angle until Deanna mentioned it. This is mostly because here in Blighty, we have Mothering Sunday in March – and that was the weekend I got a negative on my last ‘natural’ cycle before starting Clomid, and I was freakin’ pissed off about. I was just wondering how I would have felt – how I did feel – about other people’s happy announcements at that time. I have got ‘happy for you, sad for me’ down to a fine art these days. Those days. These days [continuity error… does not compute… bzzt… *smack*]. Where was I? Ah, yes, to cut a long and deeply tedious ramble short, I worry about all the people I comment at, who do not have pregnancies or babies right now, and who were of course delighted for me, but on Mother’s Day? Which is the pink commercial rock-salt in the wound of childlessness in any case? If anyone feels the need to just… ignore my blog for a while, I not only understand, but say ‘go. Go and look after yourself. I will be thinking of you always.’ And if anyone would rather I didn’t comment on their blogs at the moment, please let me know (email in ‘about’ page). I read something on a blog (whose name – darn it! – I simply can’t remember) about the (in a sad place) blogger following a very sweet commentator back to her page and being two-by-foured by pregnancy blinkies all over the place. I do not want to be the two-by-four girl.
Item: This is all complicated by the fact that I had a rush of blood to the head and signed up for the Commentathon Mel is hosting. And that I want to talk incessantly and minutely about every single detail of this ‘p-word’. I shall be beeping ‘sorrysorrysorry yakyakyak sorrysorrysorry yakyakyak’ like a two-tone fire-alarm. And everyone will hate me. Or am I overthinking this?
Item: I think I should like to blog about the ‘p-word’. Quite a few of you commented on my last post that I should enjoy this, and remember that I enjoyed it, even if things do go wrong. After all, nothing will ever ever be like the first BFP, and nothing will ever be the same again, whatever happens. Pikaia deserves to have the intense, fierce joy his/her existance brought H and me honoured, even if (God forbid, oh please, God forbid) it turns out to be brief.