Let’s play scientist! or, how May p*sses money away

I spent entirely too much time on the internets yesterday. So much so that my common sense ran away screaming and left me at the mercy of that annoying Inner Child who always pokes at things until they break.

According to one set of instructions, one should pee on the OPK stick first thing in the morning, as that’s when you’ll have the most and most concentrated urine sample. According to a second set of instructions, this is all hooey and one should spend the morning with crossed legs and cotton-mouth so one can get a reasonably concentrated, four-hours-worth sample, which will, crucially, include LH as apparantly we produce it in the early hours of the morning and it doesn’t get into a girls wee until a little later. And I went back and forth between these two sets of instructions, and dithered as to whether I should stay with the late morning thing, or do an early morning thing.

So I did both.

Early morning OPK stick – very pale result line.

Late morning OPK stick – much darker line, darker than yesterday’s even, but still not quite as dark as the control line.

Dammit.

Tomorrow I shall have to take yet another of these so-expensive-they-might-as-well-be-gold-plated sticks into work with me, and spend elevenses lurking in the disabled toilet. And as the artificial light in there is too hideous, I am somehow going to have to smuggle a peed-on stick to a window, in a busy university, so I can obsess over my stupid little lines.

Did I say dammit?

I cannot shake the feeling that this is all very unnecessary and a criminal waste of time and money even when I’m not playing Miss Empirical Evidence. Satsuma lets me know she’s done now, thank you, and pass the tissues, by good old-fashioned temperature spikes, no more egg-white, and a suddenly low and beak-hard cervix. It’s only the ACU that has no faith at all in these things and holds up OPKs as the gold standard for home ovulation.

I bet I never get a peak reading and I bet Satsuma ovulates mysteriously at some unspecified time that I can’t prove to them and I wonder if I should just fib and claim I got a positive OPK that day, when it comes, should it come (what are you doing in there, oh Ovary With Follicle On?)

Meanwhile, Satsuma was very very cross this morning and gave me fiery burning colick, but this may have been because I wasn’t showing an ounce of common sense and peeing in a timely and comfortable manner. Unless my temperature is up tomorrow. In which case, do I bother peeing on another stick under less than ideal circumstances (in the disabled toilet! During coffee break! Miles from daylight or even decent lamp-light! Sheesh!), or do I simply not bother and flannel the ACU?

For the third time, dammit.

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5 responses to “Let’s play scientist! or, how May p*sses money away

  • megan

    oh goodness, i am the queen of smuggling OPKs back to my office…not only to get them in a good light but not having the patience to wait around in the stall for the appropriate amount of time! when it came time for me to tidy my office, i found LOADS of peed-upon OPKs in my desk drawer. now that’s classy! i’m sure you will manage this with much more panache than i did. i stuck them in my sleeve and walked awkardly back to my office and stuck them in said drawer. all of that babbling aside, i hope you do get a positive reading… i always found around 2pm to be the best peeing time. as always, wishing you the best, miss may.

  • geohde

    When my LH was low enough to be able to use the darn things, mine were often pos in the evening. I’d get a half pos one at the specified time and a real pos later on.

    Oh and I think it’s not idea to use FMU because you minght get a false pos if the wee-wee is too concentrated, that’s the reason rather than ‘early am’ synthesis- that’s bollocks it’s released in pulses all the time.

    J

  • Rita

    I’m waiting to breathe because I’m holding my breath. I hope its a positive!!!
    Rita

  • deanna

    I always peed in late afternoon. I would pee once after lunchtime, and then hold it until I got home at 5pm. This would result in me sprinting to grab a cup to pee in, and then taking 12 minutes to empty my poor bladder dry.

    Also, you should definitely snoop around online to find some cheaper tests! They sell the expensive ones in the store, but there are some really incredible online sources that have simple, but accurate, pee sticks. In US$, they’re less than $1.00 if you buy around 50 sticks. Here’s a link to where I always bought mine: http://www.early-pregnancy-tests.com/pacof3ovtess.html Don’t know if they sell in the UK, but I bet somebody does. Give it a shot, then you won’t feel (quite) so bad about how long you have to keep testing.

  • May

    Megan – heh heh heh. Unfortunately I ‘hot-desk’ at work, so have no drawer I can call my own to store pee-sticks in, or I am sure I would.

    Geohde – always useful to have a Proper Doctor commenting. That makes more sense. I was thinking, why early morning? How does it know it’s the early morning? Who am I to argue?

    Hi, Rita! Thanks for holding your breath for me.

    Deanna – Lord, yes, my bladder hates me now. Thank you for the link. Cheap online clearly the way to go.

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