Whine whine whine bitch mutter snivel

It will shortly be Easter. Which is deeply unfair as I’m still really quite busy and oy! Bring that week back! I haven’t finished with it! And in fact, my mental calendar is still processing the tail-end of January.

Because it is Easter, The Family want to see us. There are birthdays and engagement parties and such, and they haven’t seen us for ages and simply ages, darling. We are under a lot of pressure to go visiting.

I don’t know if it’s clomid-induced mood-swings, or stress because I have essays coming out the wazoo here, or actual genuine having-a-point, but I do not want to go visiting.

Family! NOT WANT.

I don’t think I can quite forgive my parents for assuming I was a hypochondriac and a whiner and ignoring my increasingly painful, heavy and generally weird periods right up until I lost an entire damn ovary. I don’t think I can forgive them for continuing to assume I was a hypochondriac and a whiner for quite a few years after that, even. I don’t think my mother still assumes this about me, I think she takes my cussed innards quite seriously now, but I do not want to be around her, or my sister, or any of my aunts, especially not at a family reunion ‘so, when are you having kids?’ extravaganza. I feel too ‘fragile’ (polite for bloody crazed), and far too easy to wound. At the time I am being nagged to attend these assorted festivities, I will be

A – Just about to ovulate, and seeing how badly I react to my very own home-grown hormones when I ovulate, let alone the whacking great chemical kick-started version, I will no doubt be a freaking mess, or

B – Absolutely not about to ovulate, and therefore a freaking mess. Which leads us to,

C – By the second required attendance I will be within a day or two of Pee On A Stick Day. And therefore a freaking mess, or,

D – Not, because the clomid did not work and I did not ovulate, and yet again a freaking mess, with added provera and a double dose of little white pills of anxst just about coming across the horizon.

E – Oh, and course-work deadlines. Did I mention essays already?

F – Also, personal camera-work to fit in around the Easter break, because my timing, it sucketh.

And I snarled at H again, for trying to talk to me over the phone while I was on a train, already, and I do not talk on trains unless the house has burnt down.

And I have been this close to crying all day.

Also, my right lower abdominal quandrant, the throne of Queen Satsuma, a little tender today. Should I be worried? Should I be pleased? Should I just shut the hell up until the scan on Friday? Speaking of which, H is refusing to have sex with me before the scan in case I am growing eighty-seven follicles at once and he will not countenance the whole ‘My name is Legion, for we are many,’ offspring thing. So I am now convinced I’ll ovulate extraordinarily early and we’ll miss our chance and I’ll have to beat him senseless with the 46 Pee-Sticks of Doom. And anyway, I fancy my husband. He is so very irritating when he goes all continent on me.

I am sick of myself. Please tell me this is still the clomid.

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7 responses to “Whine whine whine bitch mutter snivel

  • Rachel

    I totally understand the not talking on trains. But then, I don’t mind talking on buses, just trains. I do hope it’s the clomid since it sounds like you’re almost done taking it for this cycle.

  • Pamela Jeanne

    I’m voting for the Clomid, but I will also point out that I’m not on Clomid and I’ve been in a strange, whiney state of mind lately. Now, what’s my excuse?

  • Heather

    Totally the clomid. I’m telling you, I was all whacked out on that stuff. It does crazy things when it messes with your hormones.

    I vote for not going to visit family. You already have enough on your plate and God forbid you get any free time, you might just want some for yourself.

  • Lady Bits

    Yes it is the Clomid.

    Your comments about family pressures made me laugh. Oh yes, I could relate to those.

    xxx.

  • thalya

    Oh how I hate family gatherings. Hate hate hate. Sorry you’ve got them hanging over you like that, and with the clomid haze as well? you have my every sympathy.

  • Jackie

    It could very well be the clomid. And it could also be the family making demands on your time. And classwork piling up. As well as the winter that will never. fucking. end. already.
    Just hang in there, sweetie. I’m thinking of you, hoping for 1-2 beautiful follicles and everything you need to deal with all the other shite messing you around right now.

  • shlomit

    Definitely the clomid.
    And if it’s not — it’s IF.
    I say screw it. Do what you want. You’re entitled.

    And remember, this is not you. This is hormones and IF. They make you crazy but you are not, in fact, crazy.

    ps…thanks for the kind words today. made me cry. (in a good way)

    peace
    shlomit

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