It’s my fault and I’m sorry

Because I am a social retard (and I think I unnerved a fellow student today with my extreme cynicism. They are such idealistic little kittens), and because I am idiotically, painfully shy , I have landed myself in my first official Two Week Wait ever (yes! Ever! Because, did I mention I never ovulate except, oops, I just did?) with no one at all to pat me on the hand and try and keep me away from the pee-sticks.

I know this is my fault. I am terrified of commenting on other people’s blogs, especially the popular people’s, because I know, I just know, that everyone will laugh and point at the sad little joiny try-hard being inept all over the arse-end of their commenty love-in. Yes. I do know I am being very very silly indeed. Please don’t tell me how silly I’m being. It only makes me want to hide. Unless you want me to hide, of course. In that case, knock yourself out.

So, because I don’t comment much, I am invisible. And because I have invisibled myself, I am sitting all on my tod, about nine days post ovulation (the length of my last known luteal phase, so from here on in all is wonderland). And I felt dizzy earlier. And I felt a little sick today. And my nipples have been tender all week. And I know very well I should not pee on a stick until Sunday. And I am nervous. And I am very cross with myself for being nervous, as this will all come to absolutely nothing at all. Of course.

The point of blogging about this fertility malarkey, I seem to remember, was to get things off my chest and to do some of that sharing caring thing that drew me to the InfertiliBlogorama in the first place. And I have spent an entire year with my head up my arse, and now I see that it is a silly place to keep one’s head. Also, dark. (‘Outside of a dog, a book is Man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.’ – Groucho Marx).

I’m sorry. I’ll do better. I’ll stop whining. Just please, someone, anyone, tell me to leave the Fifty Pee-sticks of Doom alone.

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16 responses to “It’s my fault and I’m sorry

  • megan

    so exciting! i’m keeping my fingers crossed for you, May! i can tell you to leave the pee-sticks of doom alone for a few more days, but you’re coming up to prime time!

  • deanna

    Darling May, allow me to congratulate your gorgeous ovaries on their unexpected, amazing feat!!! How wonderful!!! The Advil-worthy O-pains you experienced tend to plague me, as well, though, thankfully, not every time. But, when they do, I’m all poor-postured and wincing. Again. Another thing those junior high health class instructors could have even casually mentioned.

    And, here is my dose of tough love for you—-HOLD. YOUR. PEE. The peeing only causes frenzy and discontent. You’re right to avoid it!

  • Lindsay

    Step away from the sticks (says the stick a holic) and thanks for the comment today 😉

  • Ann

    Whoo ovulation!! I have to admit I was always too chicken to test, so there was never any temptation. I say if you feel compelled to poas, then do it, because I want to be optimistic for you.

  • Jackie

    Wow am I the only POAS enthusiast in the house? I usually POAS at 10dpo. Not that I’m encouraging you to do so, but I certainly wouldn’t stop reading your blog if you decided to test. Now if you test and then walk away from the blog for 2 weeks leaving us all hanging, I might be forced to leave multiple harassing messages begging you to tell what is going on.
    So, er, good luck and all!

  • Mel

    Step away from the pee sticks. Boat to a remote island a la the first Harry Potter book. But wait to test. It will only make you freak out more.

  • Tracy

    I am not a pee-a-holic, but based on the symptoms you’re talking about, I’m leaning towards what the hell? What have you got to lose? I mean, you’ve beaten the odds with an ovulation and a 9-day luteal phase already, right?

    Right…I’m not helping…I know it.

  • MsPrufrock

    C’mon…commenting is fun! That, and you always leave such quality, witty comments at my blog. I insist you comment.

    As for the testing, well, can you make it another couple of days? So simple, right? Haha. Good luck, whenever you pee. On a stick.

  • Adrienne

    DO NOT TOUCH THE PEE STICKS. STEP SLOWLY AWAY FROM THE PEE STICKS AND LEAVE THEM IN THE CABINET UNTIL SUNDAY AT THE EARLIEST. THIS IS YOUR LAST WARNING.

    Seriously, peeing this early is only asking for the White Window of Disappointment and Despair. You don’t want to see that. You want to hold on to Hope until it screams for mercy – and that’s Sunday at least.

    (Good luck, btw!)

  • Heather

    I love to pee on stuff so don’t count on me to help you not pee on stuff. I totally want you to keep peeing on stuff.

    YAY! I have so much hope for you guys this cycle – I’m so excited for you!!!

  • elizabeth

    I don’t think I would be able to resist, myself. Good luck!

  • Barb

    Hi May! I never ever ovulate on my own either. (ok.. well maybe there was a time or two, but never when i was really keeping track.) So it’s very exciting to see a fellow water treader actually going forward with a cycle spontaneously! Wow! Thinking about you, and loving the way you write your blog.

  • Manda

    Oops, I linked the wrong website up there. Here’s my Preg. Loss blog: http://insidedog.typepad.com/ohbaby

  • Manda

    Hey Mary! I found you on Lost and Found and Connections Abound…and I’m on a 2WW right now too! AHHH! Isn’t it nervewracking!!??!?!
    Hope we BOTH get great news in 2 weeks!
    Love to you! Manda

  • Lindsay

    Yay! Sniffly May for good reasons!!! 😉
    Love the updates. I’m an update whore. It’s true.

  • geohde

    I comment on any blog I can get my browser to. LOVE love love to read and blurt out whatever’s on my rather small mind at that point in time.

    Probably why I get into so much trouble out there in the big bad world, really.

    Congrats on the ovulatory prowess and the sore tata’s. If it helps you obsess any, mine hurt like stink, ONLY when I was knocked up.

    J

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