Because I am a social retard (and I think I unnerved a fellow student today with my extreme cynicism. They are such idealistic little kittens), and because I am idiotically, painfully shy , I have landed myself in my first official Two Week Wait ever (yes! Ever! Because, did I mention I never ovulate except, oops, I just did?) with no one at all to pat me on the hand and try and keep me away from the pee-sticks.
I know this is my fault. I am terrified of commenting on other people’s blogs, especially the popular people’s, because I know, I just know, that everyone will laugh and point at the sad little joiny try-hard being inept all over the arse-end of their commenty love-in. Yes. I do know I am being very very silly indeed. Please don’t tell me how silly I’m being. It only makes me want to hide. Unless you want me to hide, of course. In that case, knock yourself out.
So, because I don’t comment much, I am invisible. And because I have invisibled myself, I am sitting all on my tod, about nine days post ovulation (the length of my last known luteal phase, so from here on in all is wonderland). And I felt dizzy earlier. And I felt a little sick today. And my nipples have been tender all week. And I know very well I should not pee on a stick until Sunday. And I am nervous. And I am very cross with myself for being nervous, as this will all come to absolutely nothing at all. Of course.
The point of blogging about this fertility malarkey, I seem to remember, was to get things off my chest and to do some of that sharing caring thing that drew me to the InfertiliBlogorama in the first place. And I have spent an entire year with my head up my arse, and now I see that it is a silly place to keep one’s head. Also, dark. (‘Outside of a dog, a book is Man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.’ – Groucho Marx).
I’m sorry. I’ll do better. I’ll stop whining. Just please, someone, anyone, tell me to leave the Fifty Pee-sticks of Doom alone.