Has it really been over a week since I checked in here? Oopsie. As you may have guessed, I am busy-busy-madly-busy, study, study, work, charge about like headless chicken, spend entire weekend cheerfully socialising and frankly having a very nice time indeed, come Monday flap, fret, do course-work, run in very small circles, get in tizzy, fight with H, kiss and make up, fight with H again, kiss and make up again, go back to work. Try not to body-tackle World’s Most Annoying Colleague to the ground and stuff entire contents of rubber-band box in his mouth just to get him to SHUT. UP.
And in the midst of all this, do you know what my body did? Do you know what my actual clapped-out banger of a body actually went and did all by its totally unmedicated self?
(Long pause, while we wait for the gasps of astonishment to die down).
Did I mention I was carefully recording all my fertility signs (and when I say all, I mean ALL, even the ookie ones. Does anyone here not know what the ookie ones are?) for a fertility charting website. Because I am a control freak. Oh yes.
Basically, it, the body, spent seven days gearing up for this great event, hiding my cervix up somewhere by my kidneys (and how are you supposed to tell if it’s soft and open if you can’t bloody reach it? Stupid fertility charting), providing a whole week’s worth for fertile cervical fluid for me to admire (but it used to do this for, oh, months at a time, so I gave it the stink-eye and paid it as little mind as I could) and the Ovary of Possibility spent said entire week groaning, pinging, stinging, aching, and generally carrying on like a billiard-ball of irritability. So much so, in fact, that I assumed I had either ovulated three times in a row or I was growing a Cyst of Unusual Size.
And then, Sunday morning, day 21, merely one week off ‘standard’ schedule, my cervix dropped like an elevator and I suddenly had to lie on the bed and writhe as my ovary went into what felt like its death throes. I mean, OW. Really. If that’s ovulating, you can keep it. Over in a few hours, but really. What am I supposed to do if this is a regular occurence? I’ll be folding into a little heap every two weeks, and confusing the bejaysus out of everyone.
And then, my basal body temperature went up, and stayed up, for four days in a row so far. And the fertility charting website allowed me a neat little set of cross-hairs in scarlet. Just a like a real human being’s. And is very unsettlingly telling me that if I have conceived this cycle, the Infant Prodigy would be due round about the Fourth of July.
All this, and I handed my course-work in on time too.