I am sunk in the Slough of Despond at the moment. It’s uncomfortable and boring down here, and I really ought to get myself together and scramble out again, but I am also exceedingly apathetic and lying here whimpering feebly seems strangely attractive.
The thing is, I am too confused to know what to do even if I did flounder to the shore and towel off.
I went to the GP – yet another completely different one, as the sweet one I saw last time is a locum and has gone away again and Doc Tashless is on holiday – to see if I could, after all, get hold of this prescription for the Pill (ah hah hah hah, the irony just kills me every time. Me on the Pill again. Gah). And he happily prescribed me the one I used to be on. So far so good. And then he had a good look at my notes and we got into a complicated discussion as to what I should do next. Should I:
A) go on the Pill to control the dysfunctional bleeding, have the surgery, and then see what happens;
B) not go on the Pill, have a whole month’s worth of blood tests to see if I’m not ovulating, which might explain why I’m bleeding all the time (probably too much estrogen);
C) and/or try really hard to get pregnant now;
D) in that case, do I want to move on to IVF now?
Now, I am no specialist, but, frankly, neither is a GP, so my thoughts, variously, are:
A) Yes please, preferred option, with added plan to lose some damn weight for the sake of hormonal balance.
B) I have been charting for months, I KNOW I don’t ovulate, so what oh what is the bloody point of doing this? Apart from the fun of having another completely uncontrolled progesterone-withdrawal bleed which may or may not hospitalise me. And in any case, isn’t this the ACU’s business? And if not, why not?
C) Get pregnant now? Now, like I said, I am no specialist, but isn’t this the most tom-fool nonsense I have heard for a long time? Get pregnant with what? I don’t ovulate. And even if I do, I have polyps, which prevent implantation, a submucous fibroid, ditto, scar tissue, which either interferes with implantation or, worse, interferes with the normal development of the placenta and/or embryo. Surely I have the surgery first, at the very least. What is the matter with this doctor? Is he dense? Is he listening to me? Is he very, very ignorant? Oh, and as far as I can tell, he’d got it into his head that the scar tissue was in my fallopian tube. Which it isn’t. It’s in my actual uterus. Because I’m unusual and interesting like that.
D) Similarly, IVF? Now? Just a few problems: 1) No fertility specialist will put an embryo into my womb until it has been renovated. They can’t possibly be that stupid. 2) I am far too fat at the moment. 3) I’m far too young. 4) I assume he only made this idiotic suggestion because he thought I had a scarred fallopian tube. 5) Since when is it his responsibility? All he can do is refer me to an ACU, and, well I never, but I think someone already did that.
So. This GP is a moron. I ought to go back and get more tranexamic acid, because I only have four days’ worth left at the moment, but I just couldn’t face talking to Doc Moron again. All this explaining things over and over again to people who don’t listen. It’s too much. I think, for the moment at least, it has broken me.
Am now in dumb endurance mode, just to get through the next couple of weeks, which I am not expecting to be very lovely. I started spotting this afternoon. Damn it all to hell.