Just getting on with it, as per

Heya, Gentle Readers. Happy New Year. How are you all?

So, Christmas happened. H and I rushed about through floods and storms and howling gales (not kidding), to see the In-Laws in a kind of festive flying leap before doing some serious Christmas Hunkering in our own home. Then we similarly hurled ourselves at my mother’s house for New Year, and now H has gone to work. But matters end not here, because next week we are visiting my Dad for a few days.

Dad is being exceedingly tiresome, forgetting things and then blaming everyone else for whatever it is he forgot, also champion blue-ribbon entries in the Emotional Blackmail And OneDownManShip State Fair, and I don’t want to go. On the other hand, I don’t want to be the daughter who neglects her old man just because he’s being tiresome and forgetful. So I am doing this for me, not him. Because I am a Good Person.

Though all bets are off if he tries to tell me that ‘in the old days people didn’t make such a fuss. Babies died all the time and people just got on with it.’ Direct quote from the dear old man a few years ago.

(a) This is horseshit, as anyone who actually reads anything written prior to 1900 bloody well knows, in that yes alas babies died all the time but it broke their parents’ hearts to fucking bits. Even early miscarriages. Once you know, you know, and you can’t unknow, and saying ‘well you wouldn’t’ve known before they invented home pregnancy tests’ is fucking pointless. And in any case, many women know from implantation, test or no, because hormones, weird. Therefore, in the ‘old days’ more people suffered more heart-break more often, actually, and hopefully their nearest and dearest were less dickish about it. Though, alas, humans=dickish, so…

And b) this is stupid, as I am getting up and dressed every morning, and I shower regularly and go to work and DO my work and occasionally do a bit of house-work and visit my friends and relations and if this is not ‘getting on with it’ then what the fuck is? Or did he actually mean ‘stop troubling me with the fact your woes are at this time considerably more woeful than mine, because my compassion circuits are badly corroded and this may short me out’?

My Dad is not well, and I can’t gauge how unwell he really is, because he veers between shouting ‘I am IRON MAN’ and yomping up a mountain, and whimpering that he’s very very old and dying and old and dying and frail and old and DYING AND OLD. Then he goes off to chop wood. Then he complains of chest pains. Then he has a whiskey or six and drags the dogs out for another 8-mile yomp. He’ll either outlive me or be found conked out mid-yomp within the next two years.

When H and I have performed our oblations on the parental altar, we will set up an appointment with Riverside Clinic. So there’s that.

And because the Universe is like that, an old school-friend died on New Year’s Eve. It’s not fair. It’s so unfair. 2013 was such an angry, destructive, vicious year for so many people, and now this, as its final parting ‘fuck you exceedingly’ gift.

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15 responses to “Just getting on with it, as per

  • twangy

    Oh no. I am sorry to hear about your schoolfriend. What a horrible, awful thing to happen.

    And, your father does/says what? That is extraordinarily baffling, maddening and concerning, which is not a comfortable combo. Godspeed, my dear. Come back safely.

    (A person could not Get On With It more than you, just for the record.)

  • bionicbrooklynite

    Several years ago, I decided to reread a number of the LM Montgomery Anne books. I was so peeved at her when she got pregnant. And then the baby died — I’d forgotten that part — and what do you know but the things Montgomery had her say and think were exactly the things people write on blogs and so on now? It’s almost like no one has ever thought losing babies was okay.

    Whenever I hear about how much “tougher” people were in such circumstances in the Old Days, I find myself marveling at how lucky we are not to live with such broken, emotionally stunted weirdos. (Who may or may not have existed.) good old days, my foot.

    I am so sorry about your friend. It’s just all so fucking awful. I hate it.

  • MFA Mama

    2013 really was appallingly awful seemingly all-around in SO many ways! I’m sorry your dad is unwell. And also that he is being a dick. Entirely off-topic, but I have always loved LM Montgomery for writing about the loss of Anne’s firstborn and not shying away from having her heroine experience grief and loss as well as love and other pretty things.

  • May

    In Anne’s House of Dreams, it was that line about her smile never being quite the same again after she lost her baby. It moved me hugely when I was 13. Now that I have a proper inkling? *bawls*

  • Melissa

    I think the one good thing about 2013 is that it’s over. I’m so sorry about your friend!

  • Valery Valentina

    Yomp. I like the sound of it, and always glad to learn new words.
    Also “compassion circuits are badly corroded and this may short me out’?” is a perfect description. Well, it is to me.
    I can’t even imagine a schoolfriend dying. Aren’t we too young for that? I still have trouble believing that parents don’t live forever.

    Wishing your 2014 is as good to you as 2013 was to me, making all your dreams come true (and getting the two of you on happy ground together, away from the murky waters of grief and vortices of PTSD, WTF and almost-dying)

  • Hat

    IN ANSWER tow your tweet;. Yes keep it up. for if you do not, I will worry exceedingly about you and all of your goings on and stuff.

  • Blanche

    2013 can suck it. Too many beloved people & too many beloved pets lost, too many awful awful things happened.

    Can I say that I disliked Anne of Green Gables? She was so prissy with her “Anne with an E” – and yet I find myself using that same phrase when spelling my real name. Sigh.

  • Mina

    I was so sure I had already commented… You know I love you, May, and H, and I absolutely hate what you are going through. If anyone’s getting on with it, you are. Don’t let trols bring you down, I know it is not easy, but just try. Start writing again, maybe it can help? We ‘ll all be here waiting. And the trols as well, it seems.

  • Valery Valentina

    Is it confusing if I comment on your twitterings here? being twilliterate? Re the “You haven’t had kids, so you couldn’t possibly understand kids.” this in itself is proof that having kids doesn’t make a person smarter, more compassionate, or indeed understanding. Maybe the same people who claim they only discovered the meaning of love when they had kids? so you can’t possibly know what love is? If only people would stop hitting your bruises…..
    Hugs.
    and a good glass of wine, since it is weekend now.

  • Betty M

    Wishing you and h a Happy new year. And really meaning it. Enough of the bad stuff please Universe.

  • Persnickety

    Here’s to 2014 being a better year!

    And to hark back to the olden days the last book in the betsy-Tacy series ( which is pretty auto-biographical) has the main character and her husband buy a house because they are expanding their family- her family gets so excited, but it is because they are taking in his elderly aunt. I now realise what a world of heartbreak is represented there- she had several miscarriages before she finally had a single daughter- and that is the closest she ever comes to talking about it.

    I am pretty sure that a list of old time books containing heartbreak over lost children would be very easy to write

    Anyway, to return to the other issue, you seem to have a reasonable take on the parental visit, it’s for you, not necessarily for his needs.

  • thalia

    it is criminal how funny and witty you are about such incredibly awful things. You are unique my friend, uniquely funny and uniquely savaged by outrageously rotten bows and arrows.

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