Because I am tired (NBHHY)

Item – H and I spent Sunday on an outing with my dear Mama, eating an enormous lunch and having a charming walk and visiting an exhibition and filling head with Art. I also took the occasion (‘Darling, why didn’t you come abroad with us last month? We had a lovely time! H would have adored it!’ … ‘Well, errm, since you ask….’) to inform dear Mama of the fact her eldest daughter (c’est moi) was In An Interesting Condition, thanks to the Wonders of Science.

Item – Mum was marvellous about it. She was so pleased, but instantly made a massive effort to control herself and stated that she would try not to think about it all, because it was all so new and tenuous, and then stroked my hand, and asked a few questions about the IVF process and the chromosomal testing, swore herself promptly to secrecy until we give her the go-ahead to Spread Glad Tidings, and then we had a brief discussion about Morning Sickness We Have Known and how very much she hated certain vegetables during her last pregnancy, and then we went off and looked at the Art. And that was that.

Item – I was so tired when we got home I went to bed at 9:30pm.

Item – And then I got up for a wee at 3:30am and couldn’t get back to sleep. It’s one thing having 1st Trimester knackerment. It does not combine well with insomnia and my sodding bladder. I was a yawning dribbling pointless distracted lump at work today. My boss is being nice to me about it. Oh God.

Item – In today’s post, a bundle of letters and leaflets from the local maternity services, full of ante-natal appointments and screening dates and advice on giving up smoking. I promptly sat down on the stairs and cried. It’s all getting so very very unavoidably real even if something does go wrong. I am completely overwhelmed.

Item – Remind me to tell you about the local maternity services soon. They’re run from the same hospital that treated me (so very shabbily) when I lost Pikaia, and where I refused to go back to for any subsequent miscarriages. I am having anxiety dreams about going back there. Gah. Must stop talking about it now or I will never sleep again.

Item – My main issues with having put on nearly half-a-stone already less to do with ‘looking fat’ (I am fat), and more to do with a) being judged and scolded for gaining too much weight by medical practitioners, and b) looking obviously pregnant to people I have no intention or desire to discuss my gestational status with, now or indeed ever. And some of the people I am thinking of are extremely rude nosy and boundary-impaired twatweasels, and others are misogynistic creeps. So. Oh the joy of the large workplace, that has such a mix of people in it.

Item – Bed!

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16 responses to “Because I am tired (NBHHY)

  • Dora

    I get a big smile on my face every time I come here and see NBHHY!

    Three cheers for your mum. Sweet!

    Hoping you can deliver somewhere without bad memories. That would suck.

    Re the weight, I got on the scale backwards for all my OB appts. I had the nurse just tell me how much I’d gained since last time. I informed my OB that I considered the TTC weight as part of the pg weight. Thankfully, she agreed and didn’t give me a hard time. But I have had he random doc comment about my weight. Makes me very stabby.

  • bionicbrooklynite

    For the record, even the awful OB didn’t think anything of my weight gain, which started earlier last time and was made to look larger by the post-sick-as-a-hyper-stimulated-dog weight loss. Also, you can always lie about your pre-pregnancy weight, to make the gain smaller. Really, pregnancy weight gain is incredibly idiosyncratic, and anyone in the business who doesn’t realize that is a moron. The pregnancy-nutritionist person Sugar encountered via work recently was horrified that her students don’t grasp that, even though she tells them in no uncertain terms that there is no such thing as the amount of weight a generalized pregnant woman “should” gain. You are growing a baby (!) in there. You just keep on doing that, and tell them to shove their scales up where their heads seem to be located, if they care so much about reading them.

    I am so thrilled your mother handled herself so well! Full marks, Mum!

    I have the exhaustion/insomnia/bladder dealio myself, and it sucks. I am currently trying to stop taking the unisom I was taking for nausea, as I’m not that nauseated, but I really miss sleeping.

    And I remain over the moon that nbhhy. Long may it wave. Xo

  • Sheila

    Good on your mum for her response – sounds like she handled the news really well. Hugs on the appointment letters …… Bloody PTSD. Oh and good luck for the scan…..

  • Hairy Farmer Family

    *hugs May’s Mum*
    *hugs May*
    *hugs H*

    *starts over again*

    • Mina

      *Mina waits her turn*
      *gently elbows HFF*
      *gets to squeeze a hug as well*
      *realises she hugged HFF*
      *hops on the spot anyway and jiggles the happy dance*

  • Betty M

    Yey to your mother coming through like a champion. On weight I was always asked my pre-pregnancy weight at the booking in apt and then never again. No scales nothing. And if you tell them about the IVf they should understand that some extra poundage is inevitable. On the hospital itself do you only have the one viable option?

  • Jo

    All wonderful news. I’ve gained ten pounds at least, all of it from eating and not exercising and not related at all to baby. Ah well. What can we do?

  • a

    “…looking obviously pregnant to people I have no intention or desire to discuss my gestational status with, now or indeed ever. And some of the people I am thinking of are extremely rude nosy and boundary-impaired twatweasels, and others are misogynistic creeps” – Oh yes, how I remember that! Not a lot of misogynistic creeps, but definitely a cubic buttload of boundary-impaired twatweasels! Who endlessly talked behind my back about how I should just admit that I was pregnant. Ugh. My sympathies.

    So glad your mother was at the top of her game! Now, holding out hope that she can keep it to herself until at least Thursday…

  • L.

    It’s the best when people rise far above our fears or expectations. So glad your mom came through so perfectly for you.

    As someone else said, are there any other options for maternity services–private or public?

    Weight–well, we can always hope that these people, too, will rise above your expectations.

    The stuff that came in the mail makes assumptions that you haven’t been able to make, for a long time now. I don’t know if it feels terrifying for you, or exciting, or both, but I hope that you get to keep on typing out NBHHY and to start making just a couple assumptions… one or two will do to start!

  • Bachelor's button

    Well done your mother, it seems! Normally you can ask your gp to set you up with a different hospital and sometimes you can see a midwife at your gps or local YMCA instead of at a local hospital.. Worth investigating… I was chubby before I was pregnant with the twins and I looked fully loaded at 4 months so I wouldn’t fret. I was on bed rest for most of my short pregnancy so noone ever said oh you’re pregnant, or congratulating me or asking when I was due…. As noone saw me except for my husband and a few friends… So frankly, I would allow yourself to ENJOY the chubbing up, the is she isnt she wonderings of the gossips at work and the fact that you look pregnant already…. Because …YOU ARE! Hx

  • Lilian

    Yes, top marks to your mum! :) I haven’t told mine yet. Worried she will be more anxious than pleased!

    The load of stuff from the maternity services is enough to overwhelm anyone! Had ‘fun’ filling in the medical history bits of form last night – not enough room for all my exciting ailments! (BTW I hope you don’t mind me writing things about my pregnancy here. Please say if so – it is your space, after all.)

  • Twangy

    Aw! Your mum got it! I am so pleased.

    I absolutely understand your aversion to the local maternity services, I really do. I suppose it really has to be there with them? Is there another way? I can write them a strongly worded letter if not!

  • Amy P

    Yay May’s mum!

  • QoB

    I just saw your tweets – thinking fiercely good thoughts for you.

  • Robyn

    Also caught up this morning, Have resumed yogic mega-crossing position and extended breath holding. Will also pray to universal dieties. xx

  • minichessemouse

    The insomnia us to help prepare you for getting NO SLEEP once a small person appears. (She says at 3.30am from under a small person) the bladder issues are as I’m sure you kbow just because everything is in such close proximity.

    I have everything crossed for thursday. All the best of British dear one.

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