Daily Archives: April 3, 2010

Stealth blogging

Item – I’m at the In-Laws. They keep wandering in and out of the dining-room (where I am camping, with my notebooks and knitting, because I am writing people! There is writing going on in here! Shhh! Don’t annoy the writer!,) to see what I am up to, under the guise of offering me more tea (I think my left kidney has turned into a sponge). So I am writing this very teeny and wee in TextEdit. Oopsie, MiL, can you read this without your glasses on?

Item – Thank you all who checked to see if I was still here. Hi! I am still here.

Item – My blogging mojo isn’t, though. Bastard thing.

Item – H has a foul and disgusting cold, and has had it all bloody week.

Item – I think I finally ovulated on Wednesday-possibly-Thursday, which normally would cheer me up a bit (Satsuma arises! Go Satsuma!) but see bit about foul and disgusting cold. I feel Wrathful, also Disappointed, but not sure with what or whom exactly, as I didn’t want H near me in that state either.

Item – Anyway, H and I went back to the Infertility Counselor on Tuesday, because we have got into a state of raging discontent with the miscarriage/infertility situation and, occasionally, with each other. At some point I shall insist that one of the things we discuss will be *cough*sex*cough*. If we can all stop coughing long enough to get the word out. I shall have to write a separate post about all this at some point. I have no idea if ‘I shall have to’ means ‘I will’. Stay tuned!

Item – Adding to the anxst – we got our karyotyping results. You will be delighted to hear H is a ‘normal male’ and I am a ‘normal female’. Also, my second clotting panel came back ‘normal’, and my thyroid results came back ‘normal’. OK. So why the fuck have I had so many miscarriages then? See? Anxst. I am so hard to please.

Item – In-Laws being mostly delightful, to be honest. But I could do without the long involved conversations about the wonderful family heirloom FiL is inheriting from his parents, and how he is leaving it to H, and how lovely it will be for it to stay in the family, and how important it is that it should stay in the family, and how they will write a history of the heirloom’s descent through the family for the future generations to keep and cherish, and again how amazing it will be for the family, in forty or fifty years’ time, to have this wonderful family heirloom that must stay in the family and never be sold or passed to others and so on and on and May is feeling a desperate urge to run out into the rain and tear her childless hair right out. And feel very angry with H for chirpily saying something about the joy of handing on the heirloom to his own grandchildren. Hah fucking HAH, H.

Item – When we were here last, just after Christmas, we had to go away again pretty sharpish and didn’t get to visit the grandparents-in-law etc. Remember? Because I started miscarrying? And of course absolutely everyone knew what was happening and why we went back home early and weren’t able to do social calls. Right? So far, I have been told what a shame it was we didn’t do a proper visit at Christmas, in varying tones of regret and meaningful stares depending on tact and good memory of person saying it, by FiL, MiL, BiL, Grandfather-in-Law, Uncle-in-Law and Grandmother-in-Law (this last about a dozen times in less than two hours). Would it be too much to ask that they all shut the fuck up about it, at least while I’m in the room? Please? Because, jayzus, but when it comes to regret about that ‘abortive’ (hahahahaha I fecking kill myself so I do) visit, I totally win the ‘who regrets it all most’ prize by about seventeen million points and, guys, it hurts when I think about it.

Item – I’m being asked about dinner. Please excuse me.


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