There were some wonderful practically-essays of advice in the comments for my last post. Essays, you guys. My word, but you do seem quite fond of me and my ridiculous innards, and extremely patient with my vapourings. Thank you. And hugs. And all your wonderful words of care and advice, I think, deserve a proper response.
I thought I’d start by discussing my periods (foul little word. Periods. Pfft. Because they happen ‘periodically’ (hah hah) and take a determined period to happen in (ah hah hah hah) and, you know, are a punctuation-sized dot in a woman’s life (AH HAH HAH HAH oy, I split my corsets)). Incidentally, I had to come home from work early today, because at lunch-time someone, or something, left the tap on chez Cute Ute. She wasn’t cramping much, just a tad sore and bruised, really, but all of a sudden she must’ve hit a gusher, because I went through a super-plus-extra tampon in 45 minutes. And another. And another. I went home, not because I was in agony, but because I was running out of san-pro (though I had gone, I am told, rather pale and grey about the mouth and under-eyes, so They thought it was agony, and I kept my uterine incontinence to myself). By the time I got home, she’d stopped. Silly organ.
Anyway. Drugs I am CURRENTLY taking to deal with Cute Ute and her roughly (roughly! So funny!) monthly antics.
- Tranexamic acid – Yes, Geohde, I do take it. It does help. I forgot to take it with me to work today, so missed my lunch-time dose, which would explain the ridiculous bleeding episode. On it, I still bleed quite a lot, and very clottily, but I no longer lose a pint a cycle (which was getting a bit much).
- Cocodamol – This is a mixture of 500mg paracetamol (which, Dr Google informs me, is called Panadol and/or acetaminophen on other continents) and 30mg codeine per pill. It worked on my miscarriages, which were really really quite painful, so I took this as a Good Sign and asked the GP for it (and she said yes!) When the period *spit* pain is bad, I take two pills at a time, four times a day (no more than eight pills in 24 hours) I therefore can’t add more acetaminophen/panadol/paracetamol, because my liver will combust. My GP assures me that pure codeine is not available on prescription to anyone who isn’t dying of cancer. Fair enough, I suppose. (Also, did you know paracetamol is made out of coal tar? Like mauve? Cool, huh?). I know I had a brief whinge that the cocodamol wears off before I can take another dose, but I ought to be spanked for that whinge, because, really, the relief this drug gives me. The relief. And the wearing-off leaves me thinking ‘ow, actually, I feel very sore and crampy and I don’t like it’, rather than, as previously, drugged or undrugged, ‘oh God oh God oh God it hurts please God make it stop I can’t think oh please God make it stop.’
- Iron supplements – I take these from day one until day 14 of my cycle. You know, because I don’t care to have very diluted Ribena for blood. Hopefully the tranexamic acid will make this less necessary, as the hard-core iron supplements the GP prescribed make me a) constipated and b) give me the most poisonously bad-smelling wind (what? I’m serious. It’s embarrassing. And uncomfortable).
And this is the list of drugs I have taken to supress Cute Ute’s wildest excesses, and which didn’t really work, only worked a bit, or FAILED EPICALLY to work:
- The contraceptive pill – I was on this for years, once I found a brand that didn’t make me fatten like a Christmas goose or become hysterically depressed. On it, my ‘periods’ were very very regular (natch), and heavy and crampy – by heavy, I mean I used super-plus tampons, changed every three or four hours on the worst day, ohhh, poor little innocent that I was – and by crampy, I mean nothing that two ibuprofen and a hot-water-bottle wouldn’t sort out. For extremely obvious reasons, the pill is a no-go solution at the moment. *sigh*
- Ibuprofen – was drug of choice for years. Still works pretty well on migraines (BTW, haven’t had a migraine for months. Interesting). On period pains, they have as much effect as a man armed with a pea-shooter and a bowl of squashy peas against a Centurion Tank. The tank doesn’t even notice when it runs the man over.
- Aspirin – nope. Nothing. Hopeless. The soluble kind is a good gargle for sore throats.
- Naproxen – works quite well on non-ovulatory cycles. Has sad little pea-shooter effect outlined above on ovulatory cycles. This would indicate my bastard bastard bastard hormones are playing a role in the agony.
- Diclofenac – Doesn’t work either. WTF? I thought diclofenac was strong stuff.
- Mefenamic acid – Fucking doesn’t fucking work either. At all. The cycles I was taking mefenamic acid, I would spend three nights in a row awake at 3 am weeping and rocking in pain and wishing I was dead. This is the GP’s Drug of Choice for treating dysmenorrhea, so I assume it works for a lot of women. Which makes me feel like a freak. Even more of a freak.
- Paracetamol by itself – may as well be eating rice krispies out of the packet with a spoon and no milk. Vaguely amusing, has little effect Cute Ute, who spasms on regardless.
I think from this we can safely conclude that NSAIDs and Cute Ute aren’t really on speaking terms. She likes opiates, the little junky slut, and I say, thank God she likes something.
Incidentally, as far as we can tell, I do not have fibroids, endometriosis, adenomyosis, or polyps (any more. They could’ve come back, I suppose. Should I have that checked?). The medical profession, having ruled all the above out, has nothing more to say to me about my uterus. I can’t help but feel that such bloody horrible periods are a sign that Something is Wrong, and I can’t help but wonder if that Something has a role to play in the miscarriages.
As for all the other stuff my dear good Readers mentioned in the comments on the last post, well. You have given me all furiously to think. I will get back to you on that.