She said crossly

Item – I’d comment more, but the Blogosphere has ejected me. Ejected me, I tell you! I visit some delightful and meaningful blog or other, spend hours, well, minutes typing the cutest, coolest, funniest comments ever, and I hit ‘post’ and the blog goes — nah. I’m looking at you, mu, typepad, blogspot. I hate you all. I am not spam. I am offended.

Item – I am falling back into No Sleep Land. I entirely blame the counselling. Oh yes, we’re still going to that, every fortnight. We spent the last session discussing the way we discuss purchases and money, and I spent the entire hour wanting to hurl myself through the window, screaming ‘Shut up about the fucking speakers! I refuse to talk about how I talk about the fucking new speakers! I do not care how we decide what fucking speakers we buy!’ And yet the conversation ground relentlessly on, me being polite and cooperative and wondering why H had his head so far up his arse – this is the INFERTILITY counsellor, not sodding John Lewis, so why in the name of Christ aren’t we talking about Clomid 5, or the fact I’m to fat to do IVF, or bloody buggering Mothering Sunday, for that matter?

Item – Went home after that and lost my temper good and proper. With myself, as much as anyone. But also with H, because he was there. And, as it turned out, also slightly bewildered at how the conversation ran so relentlessly on and unstoppably on about the, ohhh, damn it, speakers. Wish I had flung myself about and said sweary-words now. Rather wonder why on earth I want the counsellor to think I am a nice sensible calm and normal woman. I’m paying her £65 an hour because I’m not.

Item – I am seriously abusing the italics button in this post, aren’t I?

Item – I have an appointment with Nice Lady Wand Monkey on Monday, in which we look through the round window and see what Satsuma is doing. Please let the little slacker be cheerfully growing a fat juicy follicle. Please. Please.

Item – I was accosted by Alpha Line Manager yesterday afternoon, wanting to know what the hospital appointment was for – was it for migraines? Alpha seems to have got hold of the impression somewhere that one migraine every four to twelve weeks is somehow serious, whereas any fule kno that real migraine sufferers get them weekly, or even daily, and no neurologist is going to waste his or her precious time on me unless I start having convulsions or grow antlers. Anyway, I bravely answered that I was seeking *ahem* ‘treatment’, what with the ghastly miscarriage thing last year. Alpha replied that it all sounded very stressful and she hoped they would be kind and helpful. I said thank you, and went away feeling pleased with Alpha, for saying exactly the right thing. So this was good.

Item – I am a chilly mortal with pale blue feet, most of the time. For the past week, every few hours I suddenly get terribly hot and pink and sweaty and tear my sweaters off. Whatever I am doing. I could be sitting by an open window thinking crikey, it’s draughty, I’ll put my cardigan on, and wooosh, hotness. FFS. I was only taking 50 mg of Clomid and I have never had hot flushes on that dose before. Harrumph.

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11 responses to “She said crossly

  • Helen

    If mu is being a whore, keep trying to publish. Mostly because I’ll miss you if you’re not there.

    And I too am on the Insomnia Wagon. Why is therapy so hard? Why can’t life be about blocking and forgetting? Sheesh.

  • a

    Speakers? Really? You’ve got to stop worrying about what the therapist thinks of you…clearly, if you weren’t some flavor of crazy, you wouldn’t need to be seeing her. So let it out – it won’t change her opinion!

    How annoying that the internets are conspiring against you! Keep trying…

  • Heather

    Oh GOD, the hot flashes…

    I used to go from freezing and pulling on the blankets to waking up in a pool of sweat – I’d end up laying naked with my limbs spread out, nothing could touch me or it would make me ill. It was gross.

    And that was just the night ones…the ones at work – ugh. I’d happily be working and then it would feel like I was trapped in an oven. I would have to sit down and fan myself.

    I can’t wait for menopause. How about you?

  • Korechronicles

    Fellow insomniac and migraine sufferer wants you to know she gets it. And also gets the “I don’t want this counsellor to think I am totally unreasonable and bad tempered bitch” while getting another migraine from the effort of keeping said bad temper in check.

    And no need to worry about commenting as I have been totally missing in action for about six weeks. Have given myself a very bad tempered talking to and plan to make up for it over the weekend. (Cue raucous laughter in the distance)

    Fingers crossed here that Satsuma is off the velvet cushion and actually doing some of the work she is supposedly designed to do.

    xxx

  • Betty M

    The blogosphere hates me too – wordpress and mu – mu being the worst. I try 10 times and then look like an idiot cos my inanne comment appears multiple times.

    Satusma – stop slacking and get to it for Monday please.

  • womb for improvement

    Ahhh, I was wondering what happened to the cute, cool, funny comments. (No, no, it was a joke. I couldn’t resist, as you were).

    As for the keeping your cool in front of the counsellor. You are doing the equivalent of cleaning your house before the cleaner comes or shaving your legs before getting them waxed.

  • Xbox4NappyRash

    Seriously what a croc of whatsit all this stuff is. You’re struggling so get one follicle to cooperate, and we get told to naff off because we have too many.

  • piquantmolly

    BAH to speakers.

    Jesus, I could USE a hot flash or two right now. I work in the coldest, darkest, dreariest basement imaginable.

  • Hairy Farmer Family

    Mu is a TOTAL whore. It eats at least half of my comments to Helen.

    Have much to say, but too goddamn bleary. Sorry sweetie.

    I stood naked on my drive on Clomid.

    In the dark, people. In the dark.

  • Nina

    Mrs HFF, you might want to search and make sure no one got pictures. May, honey, time for a Satsuma transplant. I’d trade you mine, but they’re no better. We’re gonna have to send them to ovie-boot-camp.

  • Hairy Farmer Family

    Hey, you can do coloured text in WordPress!

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