Breathe. Not breathe. Breathe. Go blue.

I was spotting again this morning.

Yes, I know, the morning of my double-damned exam. Thanks a frickin’ bunch, universe.

It’s only spotting, I said to myself (eventually. After much foul language). I needn’t get my knickers in a bunch over this. I shall go and do my exam. I shall check when I get out of the exam hall. If it’s much the same, I shall go home and call the ACU. If it has stopped, I shall go for coffee (decaf for me, obviously) with my friends for a post-exam wig-out. If it is worse, I will be very close to a very large hospital – I shall go there and cry in the middle of their Accident and Emergency unit. I like plans. They are immensely soothing.

As it happened, I managed to concentrate for most of the exam, and write long (if not necessarily legible or intelligible) answers. I only stared at the giant Periodic table they always seem to hang somewhere in exam halls and fretted about Pikaia about once every hour or so. And when I got out and rushed madly (bursting! Bursting! Three hours is a bit much in a shared pelvis) to the loo, the spotting was much reduced. So I went and had coffee and and a good chat, and then I went to the supermarket to get a few things, and then I started feeling sick, and went home.

I know very well a bit of first-trimester spotting is as nothing, NOTHING, I tell you, compared to many people’s stories. I will keep this in perspective. I will not freak out and cry. It’s within normal parameters. I have been told at what point to really panic.

It is all knocking a little of the shine off this pregnancy lark. But I am a deluded fool to think it could be otherwise. Getting pregnant took over two-and-a-half years, months on end of bleeding, a lot of pain, an HSG, a lap-hysteroscopy-D&C, more blood tests and ultrasounds than I can possibly count and two rounds of medication with concommittent furious grouching. After that, a boring, hitch-free pregnancy? Ohhh, no. Not bloody likely. I shall be more blessed and lucky than I can imagine if I get away with just a little freaky bleeding.

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8 responses to “Breathe. Not breathe. Breathe. Go blue.

  • Heather

    I’m glad it slowed down. Someone always seems to have it worse, but that doesn’t mean your situation isn’t hard. I think you have every right in the world to freak out – you have worked so hard to get here, it should be easy now. You deserver a care free pregnancy.

  • Sarah

    I had spotting during my first trimester too. Every time it broke my heart, but now I’m 22 weeks and all is fine. It came and went, but ended after a while (I think 8 weeks?). I also had cramps too, but they were sporadic and not together with the spotting. I think my cervix was irritated (spotting) and my uterus was growing (cramps). I hope all goes well with you.

  • geohde

    I’d freakout if I saw spotting, probably even more so. So glad it’s settling and I hope it bloody well stops. Not good for the nerves!

    J

  • megan

    oh goodness. glad to hear the spotting slowed down. dare i also be happy that you started to feel a bit ill?
    i’m hoping right along with you that this is just freaky 1st trimester nothingness.

  • Solnushka

    Really, the first trimester is Not Fun. You have to be either very unimaginative or a supremely confident person not to spend most of it worrying, and that’s without the spotting.

    Crossing my fingers for you, and glad the exam is all done and dusted!

  • Rebecca

    Still hoping and praying…

  • deanna

    Thinking of you and quoting my doctor for extra reassurance: “Spotting is totally normal. It makes everyone crazy, but it really is normal.”

    It makes me crazy, too. I’m 19 weeks and still seeing it pop up now and then. It doesn’t get easier to talk yourself out of panic, but as time passes, you start to believe everything really will be okay. You’ll be okay, too. *hugs*

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